just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
