I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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