His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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