we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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