I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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