just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
