Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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