I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize