I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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