whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
