So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm at about main and main street
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
