look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
