No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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