But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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