alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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