My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
