Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
