..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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