Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
