I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
