I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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