some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
