I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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