He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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