I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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