Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later