Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.