I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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