He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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