instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
