Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
