I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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