my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
