sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
