Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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