Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize