youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
