And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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