whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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