I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
