I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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