remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
