Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
