walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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