Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
