Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
