woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
