Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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