I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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