she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
