I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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