this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
