I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
