forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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