I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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