Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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