you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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