I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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