The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
