it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
