When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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